What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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