i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
