Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
