brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
