The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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