my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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