Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize