Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
