Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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