It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
