She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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