If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she peed on how many people?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
