woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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