I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
