Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
