i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
