I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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