so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
