I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
