Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
