"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
