Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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