my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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