I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
