I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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