Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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