making cat noises will not fix the situation.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
