Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize