oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize