she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
