Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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