I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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