I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
