Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize