o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
