His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
