i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
