you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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