Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
