Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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