My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
