OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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