we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
