I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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