Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
