Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
