Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
