So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
