They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
