I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
