with your own penis?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
