He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
