but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize