I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
