Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
