shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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