I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
