I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize