Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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