went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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