The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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