Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Nicole vs. Life
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
