Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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