there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize