You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
