I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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