i think my tv is drunk
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
