i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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